I am sharing some of my story so you can get a sense of me, it may encourage you to work with me or it may put you off, but its me nevertheless, so make it of this what you will. Here goes deep breath as I press publish, its always a little worrying when you put yourself out there to the masses, actually its probably a half dozen or so who will read this in reality!
I came from humble beginnings and early childhood, was devoid of some of things that human beings need to survive in the world, such as love and safety.
Relationships were a challenge, not feeling good enough and feeling unloved and rejected made it hard to forge my way in the world, as I continued to reject myself and I found it hard to fit in.
There was a lot of job hopping, and people hopping trying to find my fit. There have been many hurdles, divorce, redundancy, mental health problems, and it took me such a long time to discover I was much more than I ever thought I could be. (I still cry when I read this sentence, but they are tears of pride these days). Phew alive and happy its taken 3 decades to get there but hey ho, we get there in our good time!
Leaving home with a black bin liner of clothes at 16 was the start of a new life, fast forward a few decades and skipping the nervous break down thow in a lot of work and life is very different now.
When the care givers don’t keep you safe or can’t love you enough, we start out with the wrong templates and there are many lessons we will have not learnt. It’s taken me a while to love myself and to accept the love that’s around me. I now feel worthy of love and I have learnt that asking and accepting for support is not a weakness but a strength. People are never bad, but bad things can happen to us but we can make new meaning from them.
Even though I divorced my parents at 16 I am no longer a homeless orphan out on a limb struggling, I have friends who support me and a wonderful husband who holds the belief for me when I lose mine. My dogs have provided me with the unconditional love that I always craved and it was Cross Collie called Buster who helped me to realise I could make attachments.
Buster loved me regardless of whether I had brushed my hair or not, if I forget to feed him he didn’t’ really complain at all and it was impossible to lose him either. He died and went to RainbowBridge and I was heartbroken but he taught me how to love and I also learnt what the pain of loss feels like. It took me a while to recover and the heart to mend but I went on to have other fur babies.
Relationships are messy and sometimes we get hurt but I believe we still need them, and we are meant to be sociable creatures. Life is better these days with relationships and I am a bit better at them. I let people know that I may be over demanding or under demanding and if they see this they are allowed to mention it, you see I was never shown where the reasonable bit in the middle was, so I have had to learn.
My relationships are not perfect but their honest and real, I am accepted for who I am, a bit dyslexic, a bit autistic but also full of life with a mindset that’s curious, playful and accepting. I belive we limit ourselves through fear and insecurities but we can learn to work through these and make way for excictement and fun, life is a series of adventrues and uncertainty is part of the course.
My dream was never to win the lottery it was to feel safe, comfortable in my own skin, to be less frightened of people, to feel accepted and to find a place I belong.
I am thankful each day for the ability to walk, talk, run skip and jump. oh and I like to sing and dance particularly in the gym as it confuses people! I am thankful that I didn’t succeed in ending my life in the dark days because I would have missed the life I have now. Yes I took the long way around, but I realised maybe my own passion for life was too big to now be wasted. I now use this to help others to find their way. This isn’t a story of I did and so can you, it’s a story of story of what comes if we just accept ourselves and learn to love who we really are.
As I work with those who struggle to find their way I am privileged enough to walk alongside them and share their journey and it takes great courage to trust when the world has learnt you its safer not to. My clients stories remind me not to take my safe world, and health for granted. I didn’t get lucky I worked hard for i, and therapy was certainly a part of that process.
I sought the people who could help and left behind those that hurt me and having worked so hard to achieve emotional stability, I cherish it more than anything you can buy in a fancy store.
Never in a million years did I think I would be the person who understands relationships and helps others with theirs, but I have spent the last 8 years understanding and and studying humans, I have applied the theory to practice, the practice to theory, the theory to my own life and and I am happy to share my findings.
Success means different things to many people I have not made millions or bought a mansion but I have made a life that I love to get up everyday and live for. I believe its possible to learn the lessons we missed to understand our selves better and the answers are all within us, if we just take the time and space to look with a little or a lot of help.
Things I have learnt a long the way…
- Indulge your inner child make time for play and fun
- Accept the parts that hurt and let them heal
- If your hurting don’t continue to hurt yourself
- Embrace your humanness and mistakes are OK
- Learn to manage the guilt and shame that can keep us small
- Accept your vulnerabilities for they make you who you are.
- Ask for what you want in life but don’t demand it.
- Be your own best friend, kindness and compassion starts with you.
- When struggling just slow it down and allow yourself time and compassion
- If you got this far give yourself a hug, your’e doing ok, you get their in your own good time.
- Your strength is already within you, find someone to help you see it if you can’t.
- Be grateful for the small things for they are all around if you just look.
- Trust your feelings, they are yours, own them feel them and learn to tolerate them all.
If you would like some support to move forward, to reach a goal, or to just make some sense of where you are at just get in touch in which ever way works for you, you can call, email, text or tweet me.
Best wishes
Mel