I have not written a blog up until now, possibly because I didn't know what to write about and never felt the need., I have seen others doing them, some I have read some I haven't.
I went on the radio this morning it was not planned a client had resecheduled her appointment and I had some time free. I was talking about having children or not and I shared some things I have not shared publically. This made me think what else am I now ready to share with the world and why do I not talk about the story of me.
Mental health is still such a taboo subject but the more we talk about it perahps the less taboo it comes, after all, we all have problems at some point other.
I think too many people suffer in silence and don't talk about their struggles in life, there is so much guilt and shame that many still remain silent and don't seek the support they desperateley need.
I see it quite simply if you break a leg you go to the doctor, if you have a mental health problem perhaps you go to a mental health professional.. Such as a, Counsellor or psychologist. Many people don't seek help for fear that they are going mad and they don't want anyone to know. SHAME, it stops so much, including recovery if you let it!
Mental health simply means you are experiencng problems that are not physical, the range is huge from stress, through to mild depression through to more serious conditions, most can be managed or helped in some way.
Trust is also a major issue with lots of my clients and perhaps myself as well. If you have had a poor start and have not had the best care givers, do you then assume that people are not to be trusted. Are you are better off on your own?. I have learnt we are better of with people but I guess this is maybe is not the case for some . The flip side of this is that we can end up safe behind our glass wall, however do we also end up lonely or isolated and do we then lack the ability as well as people to share our problems with. The saying "a problem shared is a problem halved" is really not to be under estimated. It also means we can't be supported or have some one to celebrate our achievements with if there is no one there.
I believe life is healthier and happier with people in it, for some this is very hard when trust has been destroyed, particularly by those who perhaps should have took care of us but didn't do a very good job of it.
The relationship with the primary care giver is such an important one and so much stuff goes wrong when we don't have a "Good Enough Mother". My mother wasn't able to give me all I needed as a child and its made the journey to NOW very difficult but not impossible.
I have shared some of my feelings here in a poem I wrote a long time ago...
Why no birthday parties or cakes
Why were those darlings always fake
Why didn’t I have a pretty dress with bows
Why did my shoes hurt my toes
Why the endless chores each day
Why didn’t you allow us time to play
Why were you always so angry and mad
Why couldn’t you be more like my dad
Why was I standing up a naughty wall
Why was I wondering do you love me at all
Why did you say I was evil and bad
Why did you ruin the only child hood I had
Why was it you who always went too far
Why can’t I remember how I got this scar
Why couldn’t we have friends over to stay
Why did you chase them all away
Why couldn’t you just let me be
Why did you want to punish me
Why didn’t I know when you were about to snap
Why can’t I remember sitting on your lap
Why did you scare me out of my mind
Why couldn’t you be just a little bit kind
Why were you so handy with your fist
Why do you tell people that I don’t exist
Why no kisses, not even one
Why didn’t I realise my child hood had gone
Why did I live a life full for fear
Why only now do I shed a tear
Why can’t I forgive all that you have done
Why couldn’t I have had a mum
I kind of know some of the answers to these questions now many years later.
My mum had her own mental health issues and just couldn't be the mother that I needed. I left home at 16 and didn't go back, I decided I needed to leave behind the toxic relationship and go it alone.
I am writing this many years on aged now 40. I am OK and I did all right depsite the rubbish start. As you can imagine there is a long story in between but this is enough for one day.
I will write some more another day perhaps.
I have a radio show to go too. Get me, RADIO WhooHoo. Who would have thought it, there was a time when I wouldn't say boo to a goose!. It reminds me how much I have grown..
Thanks for reading and if you are experiencing a tough time please find someone to talk to there are good people out there who are willing to listen if you are willing to trust.
I don't think anyone can do it all alone, we ALL need someone at some time.
I hope I have done the nature of blogging justice..?